Episode 09-Disrespectful Exes

[e-mail]

www.blendedfamilypodcast.com

Almost every divorced couple deals with a disrespectful ex at some point or another after their divorce.  If you haven’t, then chances are your new partner may be dealing with it.

 

Some of the most common issues you may face with a disrespectful ex are

• an ex who is trying to turn the kids against you

• an ex who refuses to honor your new partner

• an ex who is all around difficult to try to hurt you

 

If your ex is trying to turn your children against you, you want to first make sure you do not retaliate by trying to turn the kids against your ex.  Two wrongs don’t make a right.  Try to get to the bottom of the situation by determining what exactly is being said and why.  You can have age appropriate conversations with the kids about what has taken place so they can hear the truth from you.  Always be honest with them, but if you feel they aren’t ready to know the details, by all means, do not share them.  Explain to them that you will be able to disclose more as they get older.  Try to have a conversation with your ex as to how damaging this can be to your children, but if that doesn’t work, you must do damage control.  

 

If you are dealing with an ex who refuses to accept the fact that you have moved on, or simply doesn’t accept your choice of a new partner, it can be very stressful to your new relationship.  Figuring out why is the first step.  It really helps to understand why your ex is harboring these feelings of anger or hatred.  Determine if there is any basis for the feelings or they are completely unwarranted.  These feelings usually stem from jealousy of you moving on, or over there being another parent in the child’s life.  Talking to your ex about their feelings may help, but most likely you will have to allow this to get better over time.  When you figure out what you think is the root cause, you can see if there is something you can do to help along the process.  Sometimes they will never accept this person, and in that case, you need to support your current partner, as this is your ex’s problem.

 

It is always tough to deal with an ex that tries to get back at you by being difficult and purposely going out of their way to break rules.  Even though this can be troubling for you, it is best not to show them it is bothering you.  Their sole purpose right now is to make you miserable, so you must show them that is not going to work.  The children are watching your behavior, so it is a must you live with integrity and don’t strike back.  

 

The issue of a disrespectful ex can drive a wedge in your current relationship, with your kids and your new partner. It is helpful to recognize that this is the ex’s issue, not yours, and that this common issue usually resolves in time.Your children are growing up fast, and once they are grown, your contact with your ex will be a thing of the past.

 

Thank you for listening!

Visit me on Twitter

Visit me on Facebook

Subscribe on ITunes

Write to me at [e-mail]

 

Visit the website at www.blendedfamilypodcast.com