Dating after Divorce-Episode 03

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This shows topics

• How long should you wait to date after a divorce

• How to figure out what type of partner you are looking for

• How to navigate this terrain with your children

 

How long you should wait to date depends on specific circumstances and your mental state.  Before moving on, you should be in a place where you are stable, and not actively grieving over your divorce.  

 

Before you date, you need to work on breaking old patterns.  Determine what patterns existed in your marriage that were detrimental.  In some instances, such as abuse or addiction, a good therapist can help you with this.  

 

When you are ready, work on your self esteem. A good diet and exercise program can help you feel healthier.  Do something for yourself to make you feel good.  Positive affirmations and self encouragement are essential.

 

Make a realistic list of character traits you are looking for in a new partner.  Also make a list of deal breakers, or traits that you absolutely cannot tolerate.  

 

Decide how you are going to meet people.  Determine if you will be open to blind dates or a dating site/service.  Join clubs and/or social groups to find like minded people.  Some good meeting places are parks, the gym, church, and school functions.

 

Accept plenty of dates, even if you know it isn’t a perfect match.  Enjoy yourself, and get practice at conversing with another adult without being nervous.  Keep initial conversations light, and minimize speak of your divorce and what went wrong.

 

When you are ready to introduce kids to a new partner, determine if it is the right time.

 

Elementary age children may need extra time, as they are maybe also healing from the divorce.  Take it very slow, and look for clues from your child to see how they are coping with it.  Keep talking to your child and answering their questions openly and honestly.  

 

Middle school children can be introduced quicker, but may be reluctant to cooperate.  If your middle schooler is full of angst and acting out behaviorally, take things slowly.  Again, keep communicating with your child.

 

High schoolers are less invested in the love life of their parents.  Though, in some case, feel it is their job to manage a parents life. If this sounds like your child, remind them that you are an adult, but appreciate their concern.

 

Remember that only you can make the choices that are best for you and your family, regardless of everyone giving you their unsolicited opinions.  Only do what you think is best for yourself and your family.

 

If you have any tips on Dating after divorce, please comment on the show notes at blendedfamilypodcast.com/3

 

If you want to know more about me and my journey, read my blog called Yes, we met at McDonalds

 

Next Week’s topic is Holidays and Traditions

 

To donate to the Hardman family, please click here. They suffered a tragic loss a couple of weeks ago when their blended family was in an accident, killing both parents and three of their children.

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